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Redneck Fish Story ... from Rich S. (It's
the last line I liked .. kph)
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi
recently with two ice chests full of water with 10 nice fish swimming
around it them. He was
leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those
fish?'
'Naw sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got no fishin' license. But
you gotta understand something: these fish here are my pet fish.'
'Pet fish?'
'Yeah. Every night, I take these fish down to the lake and let 'em
swim 'round in the lake for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they j ump
right back
into the ice chests here and I take 'em home.'
'That's a bunch of baloney! Fish can't do that.'
The redneck looked at the game warden intently for a moment and then
said, 'I swear it's the truth, Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It
really works.'
'O.K.,' said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the warden said, 'Well?'
'Well, what?' asked the redneck.
The warden ssked, 'When are you going to call them back?'
'Call who back?'
'The FISH!' yelled the warden!
'What fish?' asked the redneck.
Moral of the story: We may not all be as smart as some city slickers,
but we ain't all as dumb as some government employees.
You can say what you want to about the South, but you ain't never heard
of anyone retiring and moving up North.
ONE MINUTE EACH NIGHT....
This is the scariest election we as Christians have ever faced. We all need to be on our knees.
Do you believe we can take God at His word? Call upon His name, then
stand back and watch His wonders to behold. This scripture gives us, as
Christians, ownership of this land and the ability to call upon God to
heal it.
I challenge you to do so. We have never been more desperate than now
for
God to heal our land.
This election is the scariest I remember in my lifetime. 2 Chronicles
7:14 "If my people, which are called by my name shall humble themselves, and
pray,
and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from
heaven,
and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."
During WWII, there was an advisor to Churchill who organized a group of
people
who dropped what they were doing every night at a prescribed hour for
one
minute,
to collectively pray for the safety of England, its people and peace.
This had
an
amazing effect as bombing stopped. There is now a group of people
organizing
the
same thing here in America. The United States of America and our
citizens need
prayer more than ever!!!
If you would like to participate: each evening at 9:00 PM Eastern Time
(8:00 PM
Central,
7:00 PM Mountain, 6:00 PM Pacific), stop whatever you are doing and
spend one minute praying for the safety of the United States, our troops, our
citizens,
for peace in the world,
the up-coming election, that the Bible will remain the basis for the
laws
governing our land
and that Christianity will grow in the U.S.
If you know anyone who would like to participate, please pass this
along.
Someone said if people really understood the full extent of the power
we have
available through prayer, we
might be speechless. Our prayers are the most powerful asset we have. God Bless You!!!
"Whithersoever the Spirit was to go, they went," and so should we.
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Could be True ... SaraSara The Los
Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying
to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President
decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and
each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question
all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations
they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing
everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit
had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The
bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!" .
View From a Bed ... Donna R t
will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain
the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room ' s only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their
involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would
pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside
the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his
world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the
world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.
Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view
of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man
on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque
scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind
' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to
find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully
in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved
next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making
sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look
at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who
had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can
' t buy.
"Today is a gift, that is why it is called
The Present ." |
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Mother's Day / Jack the Cat ... Thelly So,
we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died.
Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit
on him
and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day
long
on this mat in our bathroom.
Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4
years old,
3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves
chapstick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then
losing
it. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep
my
chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he
needed to
put it right back in the drawer when he was done.
Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around
and
try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on.
My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying
to
nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up.
Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this
is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.
We finally have the older one and and the baby loaded in the car
and I
am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round
the
corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying
my
chapstick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli looked right
into
my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you
know that he is
right--their little butts do look pretty chapped.
And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind.
And the only question to really ask at that point was whether
it was the
FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth.
And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds
us
that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures,
there will always be that day when you realize they've been
using your chapstick on the cat's behind!
Happy Mom's Day!
Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea |
Prescribed by the Great Physician
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
- Noah was a drunk
- Abraham was too old
- Isaac was a daydreamer
- Jacob was a liar
- Leah was ugly
- Joseph was abused
- Moses had a stuttering problem
- Gideon was afraid
- Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
- Rahab was a prostitute
- Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
- David had an affair and was a murderer
- Elijah was suicidal
- Isaiah preached naked
- Jonah ran from God
- Naomi was a widow
- Job went bankrupt
- Peter denied Christ
- The Disciples fell asleep while praying
- Martha worried about everything
- The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
- Zaccheus was too small
- Paul was too religious
- Timothy had an ulcer..AND
- Lazarus was dead!
Now! No more excuses!
God can use you to your full potential.
Pithy sayings ...
???
- God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
- Dear God, I have a problem, it's Me.
- Growing old is inevitable .. growing UP is optional.
- There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
- Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
- Do the math .. count your blessings.
- Faith is the ability to not panic.
- Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
- If you worry, you didn't pray . If you pray,
don't worry.
- As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling
home everyday.
- Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out
of shape.
- The most important things in your house are the people.
- When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants
us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
- A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
- He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
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Quote of
the Day .. Shared by Jack M. It
is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the
strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose
face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly,
who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no
effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms,
the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who,
at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement,
and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring
greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid
souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
Theodore Roosevelt 1906 |
Why Men Are Never Depressed
Men Are Just Happier People--
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another
snack.
- You can never be pregnant.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because
this one is just too icky.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut
on a bolt.
- Same work, more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood all the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks and engines.
- A ten-day vacation
requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act
of thoughtfulness.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- Three pairs of shoes
are more than enough.
- You never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You only have to shave your face and neck.
- You can play with toys all your life.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
- You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December
24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
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